Author notes: I think that enough was said and done about Spike and Buffy
inner relation ships. In my world Buffy came to term with Spike, despite
all the thoughts and No’s, she will be with him (As long as Angelus is not
around *smiles*). We all know that it is assumed that Buffy is having
her own doubts about it (since we know Buffy character and her interlude
thoughts etc) but I won’t stop there to examine each time the inner thoughts,
this chapter will cover her thoughts here unless I will have something new
to add.
Buffy woke up to the feel of cold fingers traveling down her body.
Spike
As she said his name memories floating in her mind. She knew for a fact that
the situation dictated to her was very much relevant to this renews relationship
with Spike. She was afraid of what will happen with Angelus running lose
somewhere, afraid of leaving Dawn alone, AGAIN, afraid that she will never
give Angel a chance to redeem himself if she will kill Angelus but that was
a very big if.
*Right, Summers, keep telling yourself that the only reason you are with
Spike is because of Angelus, never mind that it started relentless to Angelus
or Angel and maybe someday you will actually believe that. All of the excuses
for being with Spike weren’t an issue anymore, she wasn’t fooling herself,
Spike was soulless all right but that didn’t matter much since Buffy knew
deep down her very being that even if Spike hadn’t the cheap he would have
never heart Buffy, friends or humans for that matter, he changed. Because
of her? Maybe, maybe not but he was deferent. Looks how Faith changed, from
protector of the world to her worst enemy, if she changed for the bad why
couldn’t he change for the good?
She couldn’t open her eyes to face him, not yet. She wanted to think for
herself some more.
What could he possibly offer her? He wasn’t human, soul or not he was a vampire
that walked at night and she loved the sun. But there were other things;
she felt secure with him and loved. He brought the warm to her although she
always felt cold- inside and outside. He did all those things for her, she
ought to give him a chance, isn’t he entitle of redemption? He did try to
change, he did not have a soul like Angel and still he tried so who is she
to deny his redemption? The first ones to give it to him should be her friends,
they should, give him a chance since he helped them so much when she died.
Telling her friends was the only way, she concluded her thoughts, and they
will deal. Enough hiding and running from the truth and if they won’t like
it then tough. If they are truly her friends then they will understand, she
had no doubt in her mind that they will understand. Eventually.
Then came a deferent thought that burst from her worst fears and nightmares,
Angel. What if Angel would have come and tell her that the clause is no longer
an issue, that he can make love to her and that he wanted to be with her?
What then? Will she still be with Spike? Is he second best for the real thing?
If she can’t answer that then whom she’s kidding? If she can’t answer that
then she doesn’t deserve him.
Trying to argue with herself made her confused then ever.
Do you still want Angel? Yes. Do you want Spike? Yess. Can you choose? Her
mind was turning upside down.
But things were deferent now, she felt it. Angel was far away leaving his
life with his friends- team- workers and her life has taken a deferent path,
she wasn’t the same Buffy, she wasn’t even sure that she was Buffy’s Angel.
The possibility of being with Angel confused her mind But then she remembered
her mother telling her ones that you can’t live by ifs, a person has to make
his choices according to what is given to him, no one can tell the future,
unless you are leaving on the hellmouth but still she can’t tell what the
future holds. Fact is she can’t be with Angel; the clause is there, dahh
Angelus returning to evil again showed you exactly why she couldn’t be with
him. She will not live by her ifs. She’s young but she is also a slayer and
intend of fully enjoying her life as possible and if Spike will be it then
she will not pass this opportunity and question herself again.
“Luv”, his soft voice brought her back to reality. Spike was looking at her,
leaning on his side, his firm muscle body was touching her worm one. She
looked for something in his blue- ocean eyes, maybe his usual teasing and
sexual innuendos but none was evident.
She smiled at him, her eyes shining. She gave him the same smile that the
Buffy bot use to give him , but this time it was her.
“What are you thinking luv?”
“I…I am thinking that I will tell everyone, I…I mean about you and me.” She
stopped for a minute waiting for a response from him.
She thought that this smile on his face, the relived and joy was the second
time to appear on his face and in her presence. The first time was when he
returned to the house searching for Dawn only to find his Buffy alive.
“You would really do that pet?” his voice shacking and unbelievable. She
smiled , silently, her eyes brightening.
A single tear escaped from his deep- blue eyes. Buffy couldn’t believe how
happy he felt. Was she that cruel to him all this time that just by acknowledge
their relationship he will cry then maybe after all she does not deserve
him.
“What Luv?” he asked confused when she mumbled something to herself. He brushed
his lips over her velvet skin, favoring her smell. She arched her head for
him, giving him more access to her neck
“I don’t deserve you” she monad brokenly.
His unbelievable face told her all, showed her how much he is the lucky one.
“Ho god Buffy, I love you so much, please let me show you…I love you” he
continued kissing her neck traveling down her body, his tongue dwelling on
her sweet sense skin until he came to the valley between her firm breasts.
He licked the skin further, his cold tongue traveling between one nipple
to the other, another moan escaped her mouth.
“Ho god Spike, if you stop I will kill you” her voice was husky and worm,
for him.
“I will never stop luv, never…”
Suddenly they heard small footsteps outside the room.
“Stop” buffy hissed at him.
“Dawn…” Buffy frowned and stumbled to her closet, pushing spike aside, he
smirked and put on his pens.
“Where is my …shit…my bra, and…”
Spike burst into laugh, it sounded like waterfall to her, she never heard
him laugh with so joy and sincerity.
She folded her arms above her chest, half smiling” what’s so funny, Spike?
I can’t find my bra and Dawn’s outside…”
He grabbed her and swept her of her feet to a devouring kiss.
“Relax , luv.”
He felt her smiling between his kisses.
She found her bra and decided to wear her strapless white top and a knee
long scarlet skirt. She wore her white sandals and fixed her hair.
“You look great luv.”
“Thanks” she smiled, feeling a bit awkward about her and Spike dressing up
and doing couple stuff, guess she will have to get used to that.
When they stepped out of the room they stumbled into frisky Dawn.
“I thought you died there or something” she mumbled.
Spike stroked her hair gently and Buffy rolled her eyes “gee Dawn can a person
get some privacy.”
Dawn smiled gently at her sister “soo…are you together?”
“Are we in forth grade dawn?” teased her Buffy
“I don’t care” she gave Buffy a face and pinkish tongue.
“Com now girls, I love both of you.” He grabbed each from the sides and squelched
them until they faintly giggled.
After fixing breakfast Buffy and Spike set in the leaving room, of curse
all the curtains were down.
It was Saturday and Dawn was watching one of her favorite shows, sitting
next to them.
“when are you going to tell them Luv?”
Buffy sighed “about Angelus or us?”
“Both”
“Today. We suppose to meet at the Bronze, Willow has something to tell us
so I guess we will meet there.”
Dawn turned from the television “Can I come too? Please Buffy? Pretty please?”
Buffy smiled as she remembered the nice girl- talk she had with Dawn. She
should come, it’s not like they have something to hide from her.
“Sure, Dawnni, you can come.”
Dawn smiled to herself and continue to watch the show.
The day passed very quickly. Dawn was up in her room making homework while
Buffy and Spike trained a bit, although by the laughs and giggling Dawn could
have swore it was something else. She thought that things are turning to
the right only for Angelus being back, of curse.
The evening came quickly and Buffy was glad she didn’t see any of her friends
during the day, now it was time to face them.
She was wearing a black top that emphasized her firm full breasts. A cream-
leather pans completed her goddess breath taking appearance. Her hair was
up with two silver butterfly pins attached to the sides. She looked lovely
and glamour.
Spike stood next to her, wearing for a change black elegant pens and gray
buttoned shirt.
Dawn followed them, excited that she could join the scobies, not carrying
about her clothes.
When they found everyone Buffy stiffened slightly, taking a deep heavy breath.
Spike tried to comfort her by running circles on her back.
“Relax, luv. They are your friends.”
She smiled back at him, taking any confident he can offer and approached
the gang.
To be continued
